Heading West

I've been wanting to take more self portraits, but I've found that getting a good focus with a manual camera has been nearly impossible for me. For some reason, I just can't 'get it.' But a quick search today gave a really simple answer --it's called reverse focusing. What you do is use a tripod. Put your camera on it and then figure out where you want to place it, and where you want to aim it at (that is, where you will be). Then, take off the camera and go to the spot you will be at and then set the focus so that you are focusing on the tripod. Manual cameras, I guess just care about distance, not so much a particular object, and so then you take the camera back to your tripod, set the timer, and scramble to your spot, pose, and wait for the click. Advance the film, and repeat as many times as you can stand to. Sounds simple enough, huh? Now I just have to give it a try. I will let you know how it goes.

[For some more ways of setting manual exposure, go here.]

Photo: Black and white film. From my Trainspotting Set on Flickr.

Knotted Up Inside

I shot some film over the weekend, and I am pretty happy with what I came away with. I am in the process of posting more prints for sale in my Etsy Shop. I have more to say, but I am all knotted up inside. Periods suck.

Remembering Where I've Been

I always have good intentions of keeping track of where I've been, but sometimes that I just get so caught up in the moment, that I just don't see the point of remember everything, but it's also nice to record progress, which to me, is the point of living. Progressing to where you can feel yourself changing and growing every day. As adults we so often loose that child-like growing (I think of my own kids and how every day I see and watch them change) and just become stagnant. I guess we figure that we grow up and then just grow old. It's the laws of nature. But the mind does not have to be that way, just our bodies. But the substance that makes us who we are keeps growing and expanding. So, maybe keeping track of that can be important. Anyways, I digress (i.e. ramble!). Here is what I've learned/done/wanna keep track of:

** I was able to get my dozen prints to Shots Magazine in time for their Feb. 1 deadline. I just received confirmation for USPS. I also ordered their self-portraits issue just because I really believe in this magazine. It's amazing seeing a magazie filed with photos rather than pages and pages of ads for things I cannot afford and/or do not need. Pick up an issue if you get the chance.

** I learned that I really enjoy shooting images of food. I've had such a love/hate relationship with food up until recently (I was heading into anorexia around the time I met my to-be husband) . But now I see that loving food is fine if you eat right and enjoy it and are thankful for what it does for the body rather than engorging oneself. Nothing wrong with that.

** I submitted a photo for a Jones Cola label. Pretty neat if you ask me.

** I have plans for a mini photo shoot. Nothing fancy, but I plan on shooting of a roll black and white along the railroad tracks behind our neighboor hood.

And that's about that. I am sure there were other things along the way, but I rather just keep those thoughts blurry and filed away.

Photo: Film, 35mm, shot with a FUJICA using manual exposure. More film images here.

Is film photography dead? Never!

Sometimes It Is

Sometimes things are greener on the other side especially when the other side provides you with basics you need to function properly. I've been sick for the past few days -- horrible snotty stuff -- and it's so nice being able to sleep soundly in my own bedroom letting Chris take care of everything else. In the past, there was no separation of sleep areas. If I happened to fall asleep in my former bedroom, and if Logan wanted to nap, I would be kicked out of the bed so Logan could sleep. (If I were in the room, Logan would want to play.)

I guess my point is that I am grateful to be able to function (or 'not function' [i.e. sleep]) when I need to.

I am thankful for the things that most people in traditional living situations probably take for granted every day.

Cold Feet or Not, I am Diving In

I have narrowed things down to sixteen fifteen photos. I have to make my final decision and get these prints sent off tonight. Wish me luck, people. I am still struggling with feelings of insecurity, but I'm sure that will pass.

8x10

My 8x10s arrived. I printed them with a bit of a border on the right and left so that the upper and lower parts of the photo weren't chopped off. I am pretty happy with how they look. Now I just need to matte and frame the one, and mail the other off to the person who purchased it. It's nice feeling knowing that this will either be hanging in someone's home or office.

Photo: Digital.

Cold Feet

I have cold feet. I am rethinking about submitting to Shots Magazine, but for some reason I am feeling like my work is not good enough to submit. It might just be hormonal or something, but I am feeling rather insecure.

Photo: self-portrait, film.

Logan

Logan has adjusted to being in our new home. I almost typed "finally" before that adjusted, but I stopped myself because three days to adjust seems more like a short while than a long while. The first night here, he was pretty much scared to go to sleep -- or maybe too excited -- but the second night, he was plain old stubborn (I think he gets that from his dad, or maybe from his mom, but probably from the both of us) and I sat with him and sang and talked to him while he "screamed it out." I was there, and so I know he wasn't so much scared as stubborn. Finally, I said, "Look, Logan, this is your bye-bye bed; this is your room; Mommy is here. You are tired. Go to sleep, butthead." And I left the room and shut the door. He yelled for about another 7.27 minutes, and I am guessing fell asleep. He slept for 14 hours. The next day, he seemed better and he even napped after crying for about 5.24 minutes. And last night, he went to bed without a peep. I am relieved. He's adjusted and in record time which leads me to believe he is a healthy, well-adjusted little guy.

Photo: Film, Logan watching TeleTubbies at our old apartment.

Moving Day, No Longer Boxed

We moved on Saturday, and in spite of reserving a truck with Budget Rental 72-hours in advance, and them not having it when we went to pick it up, we were able to move about 90% of our stuff on Saturday. We ended up going to a Uhaul and they had oe etruck left (and not to mention they had perfect customer service). A good family friend of our also unexpectedly showed up and helped us move our sofa and chair and entertainment center (the heaviest of our stuff), and so all-in-all things went smoothly.

Logan had a very rough night the first night sleeping here-- he really wanted to just "go home" to our old apartment in spite of his WOWs about moving here. Last night was better. I think mostly because he got up at 6 AM Saturday morning and stayed up 11 hours straight and conked out around 6 PM. He woke up this morning at 7:00ish. So if he refuses to nap today, at least he won't be a blubbering sap of a boy. He's been in and out of his room all morning playing with his toys in direct contrast of him screaming every time he tried to go in there (he's stubborn), and so I really think today will be better than yesterday.

All of our stuff is pretty much moved in. I just have about three or so very small boxes to unpack, and I might just leave them unpacked for a while. But it's pretty nice being here. It's odd to wake up in the morning and turn on some classical music, drink some coffee, and eat a slice a toast without the kids waking up. Our old situation consisted of Logan sleeping in the living room and the bathroom being right across from Molly's room, and so as soon as Chris opened our old bedroom door -- the very second -- Logan would start screaming and Molly would wake before she was completely rested. And so with the screaming and the soggy wet Pull-Up and me pre-coffee and Molly wanting in the bathroom and Chris showering and me staggering with a sinus headache trying to tend to two small children -- changing diapers, getting sippy cups, toast, and putting on coffee and all the while Chris trying to get ready and I still having to pee super bad, life was, quite frankly, hellish, but we managed like that for nearly a year-and-half.

But now... but now, I wake to peace and calm and coffee and toast and a hot shower all before the kids even get up. And Molly woke up first with a kiss and hug, and I could be 100% there to help her with a smile rather than a groaning and moaning grumble. It was nice this morning, and I am thankful that the Universe worked things out for us. Life is good, and I am grateful.

Maybe, Baby

Today was a bad day (all in my head, of course. Montonoy is hard.), but tonight was a good night. The husband and I went to the grocery store (by ourselves!), picked up a few things (our new nearly all organic and/or natural diet is still going well. $5.99 for a gallon a milk seems a bit high, but knowing that our children are not being pumped full of hormones and pesticides is a good feeling), and then went out to eat (yeah, yeah, Chili's is definitely not organic, but we are not fanatics or anything), and actually had uninterrupted conversation through the entire meal, and then we went to Borders (where I finally purchased a 50% off eclectic coffee bean grinder and some organic whole coffee beans), and Chris picked up a new jazz CD, and then on the way home I dropped off another roll of black and white film.

Photo: Digital.

Plug: Shots Magazine

A dear friend emailed me this morning with a call from Shots Magazine, "a quarterly, reader-supported journal of photography. Shots is characterized by its diverse, straightforward and bold presentation of images by photographers of all levels with an innate passion for creative, personal work."

Their next issue is devoted to portraits. I plan on submitting a dozen images (I will probably pick a dozen from my 365 Days Set), but first I have to figure out if portraits must include one's face.

Edit: Here's the definition I found (I love my dictionary):

1. A likeness of a person, especially one showing the face, that is created by a painter or photographer, for example.
2. A verbal picture or description, especially of a person.

That clears things up. This is going to be tremendously difficult picking out 12 portraits I like best that' I've taken.

Photo Credit: Shots Magazine; cover photograph: ERICA SHIRES

Blurry Bath Time Babies

I am learning to see past a technically "bad" photo to see the good that's really there -- the reality of the subject and the emotion rather than, oops, the focus is off. The thing about film that I used to find so frustrating (more so with my last two rolls) is the capturing a perfect subject but the photo quality is not so perfect. But when I look at this -- I mean, when I really look at this -- I see my children. My children. My beautiful, wonderful, perfect children and it overwhelms me with so much emotion. They love each other, and I see it here, and capturing that moment is what truly brings me joy. (I know I was giggling when I took this!) There is no longer a technical disappointment of "Oh, this is not good," but rather the emotional response and the joy of "Oh, this is so so so good."

Photo: Blurry bath time babies. Film.

Everything

I had long forgotten all about this fortune until I found it while rummaging through my bag. I got it a week or so ago while eating dinner with the hubs. His fortune was equally as telling saying that it was time for him to finish forgotten projects (he has a memoir he's been wanting to write, and comic books he's been wanting to do something more with). And yes, I do put some stock into fortunes in cardboard-tasting Chinese cookies, and so it's going to be a good year. The cookie said so.

Photo: Digital image.

Don't Know Why, Just Do

I have figured out my scanner, and that makes me incredibly happy because now my prints are matching with what's on screen. I've also figured out how to shoot with my glasses on -- just not worry about it and shoot. I took my 52-Weeks self-portrait today. I wonder how that's going to turn out. Unlike digital photography, my film camera does not have automatic focusing, and so I have to kind of measure how far I am going to be away from the camera and then set the focus kind of guessing where I am. I would talk about f.stops and the like, but I am still pretty clueless.

I sold another print today (I sold one yesterday, too), and it's the exact encouragement I needed. I've also discovered there is a local photography lab right here in town (I guess Dorothy was right; everything we need really is just in our own backyard). Here's to hoping they develop 120 film, too, because I would love to be able to afford to shoot more Holga. I've also got a couple of ideas lined up of things to go out and shoot, it's just a matter of setting aside some time to. We are moving this weekend, and everyone knows that moving is kind of hectic and stuff, but I also know that I work well under pressure, and so I know it will be just fine. I have my own bathroom (well, Chris, my husband and I do), and I have this hope of learning how to develop my own negatives and possibly learn how to prints some prints. But one step at a time -- Rome was not built in a day, like they say (whoever they are. Who are they anyways?).

Photo: Hidden.

Contacts, Schmontacts

I haven't been able to shoot much of anything lately because my contacts have 'gone bad.' In other words, I am unable to shoot film with my glasses on. I'm sure other people have figured it out, but my stupid head just can't. Hopefully, my income tax refund will be sitting in my bank account soon so I can pick up my lenses. Until then, I have three options: 1) figure out to shoot with my glasses on, 2) figure out how to shoot with no glasses on with everything all blurry, or 3) don't shoot at all.

Winter's Berries

I shot an entire roll of black and white film using my FUJICA st605n on New Years Day. As my third roll of film, I am pleased. There is something so very Zen about being in the snowy woods with nothing by the sound of a nearly-frozen creek, birds calling, and the whoosh of clumps of falling snow from trees. You may view the entire series at my Flickr page.

Photo: Winter's berries available at my Etsy shop.

Self-Portrait in Bathroom Mirror

This is the year I practice/learn how to shoot film. Film photography -- to me -- is very Zen. I slow down. I think about what I am doing -- what I want, what my purpose is, set the dials, take a breath and shoot. Then I wait. Sometimes an hour, sometimes a few days, sometimes nearly a week while waiting to finish up a roll. Then I look and it brings me a lot of happiness looking at tangible prints in my hands. Sound kind of weird, but it feels more real to me and solid even though I am just looking at images of something that have already passed. Not to mention no post processing. I got so used to altering reality (zapping out a zit here, erasing something that looked weird there), but for now, I just want to focus on reality and on here and now. Film does that for me. So, yeah, that's about it.

Photo: From roll #3, self-portrait in bathroom mirror.